Pun style

With whatsapp becoming popular and people are keen on typing on the words instead of speaking, the art of pun or the quick joke has become the order of the day. Take for example. Somebody sent a picture of pope in the stadium in Dubai

My comment was that it shows he was Popeular (popular).

If you know multiple languages then all the more you can adjust the words to make it a Fun pun.

Eg. Someone went to Canada and said it was Kashtam (difficult in Tamil ) adjusting there. My take was it may be Kashtam initially, but you will get Accustomed (akashtomed) soon. You get it.

Then we had a famous singer Neyveli Santhanam and he gave me a few of the gems. At one place a lady told him she will make upma with Kaaya (vegetables in Tamil). As it will take time, he said but ensure that "En vaitha kaaya podadengo" (Don;t starve me in tamil). The word Kaaya has two meanings. It is vegetables as well as it also means leaving it to dry i.e the stomach should not be left out to dry. The nuances are more enjoyed in tamil.

Same is the word Kathi (in tamil it means knife as well as loud sound). Thus if some one brings a knife (kathi) with fruits and says I have kept a kathi with fruits, the response will be Kathi (loud) sola vendam, I can see it.

I will add more to this as and when I get some.There is one on twitter on naan being veg or non(naan veg) and others including Sashi tharoor pitching in.

How strong are your Pundamentals

Lightning shocks people - as it does not know how to conduct itself

Accidentally swallowed food coloring, but Dr. said Ok, but I fee, I have dyed a little inside

Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

Shekhar Gupta new video on 5 achievements of Modi

A recent video of Shekhar Gupta circulating around in Whatsapp talks of 5 things Modi has done good in the current regime. To recap he said what is required is political economy. Good economy does not necessarily translate into votes. These are a) IBC - Bankruptcy code bringing in responsibility on corporates that they will not scoot if they do not pay loan b) Infrastructure investment c) low inflation bringing it because 8.33% to 3.2% d) keeping the deficit in control around 3.5% e) tax collection to GDP improvement and f) GST introduction and holding its nerve through difficult times and not going back on it.

What he missed out also, that there was no major scam. Though Congress is trying to make Rafael as a big thing as bofors, there is no way a remote comparison can exist. If Anil was favored, why is he not supported now that his R.Com has gone the NCLT way. The Rafael deal was started by UPA and as IAF was falling short of aircraft and this was an emergency issue thrust on NDA by UPA and the NDA govt. had to  quickly order readymade 36 instead of 126. As every accountant knows, except those in the Congress that additional costs of doing the India needed changes has to be now absorbed by 36 and not 126 and thus the higher cost due to Fixed cost distribution, while the base price was reduced by 9%.  Congress including mamta should go to the Cost Accountant office situated in Calcultta to understand accounting. If the base price is fine, and the additional cost is distribution of Fixed cost, then there is no hanky panky. Also, it is a direct govt. to govt. deal.

Then comes the PMO intervention. The french requested, being a govt. to govt. deal to issue a guarantee from their PM office to our PM office. No price was negotiated higher, it was matter of sovereign guarantee, which given the emergency of our requirement had to be given.

Finally, comes the Anil Ambani allocation of offset. This was by Dassault who looking at the location and ability of Anil to do business has given on a private basis.If instead of Anil, anyone else had been given, the same issue would be raised. The offset that is being done is not of highly technical work and that too not for Rafael. These are some other products for their other division.

In all these cases, nothing is proven that cash was paid or commission was paid as in the case of Bofors/Augusta Westland and Submarine and so on to specific persons in BJP or their relatives.

Why not HAL awarded offset. HAL has a poor track record of performance. The tank/aircraft etc takes so much of time and given the support and existence for long, unlike China they have not come out with great world beating products. And on top of it, it does not behove of supposedly techincal giant to taken up work of low sophisticated product which is what the offset is all about.

Thus it is election time and as usual congress is trying desperately to pin some corruption on Modi as in the last 5 years other than issue of tolerance, high handedness, nothing has been proven be it vyapam, vasundra raje cases etc.

Standup comedy ideas -1

We Indian husbands are considered by our wives as Ambassadors. No, no I do not mean the ambassadors dotting the various embassies across the world saying good things about India. We do not continuously praise our wives, so we are not that ambassadors. What Indian husbands are considered as Ambassadors is the Ambassador car very famous in India. Unique, Antique piece, irreplaceable and sitting in one corner quietly. Once a while it is dusted. We Indian Husbands are that ambassadors.

Successful marriage is not as generally assumed and believed between two beautiful bodies- no doubt any marriage with God's grace is between two well endowed people-, but as I said just because two beautiful bodies meet together need not always be a successful marriage. Otherwise, Sophia loren, Malika Arora, Chitrangada, Diana marriages would have been all very successful. Thus marriage is all about sharing (your credit cards significantly), loving (all that she likes), understanding (their bad mood days and not passing sly comments at that time) and end of the day not hating each other. Those are the characteristics of a successful marriage.

Unemployment vs higher GDP growth conundrum

The last few days has seen a big debate on the NSSO data which is there or not there, leaked and in process and so on so forth. Irrespective of what the data  is, there is no doubt that the unemployment rate is higher than what is expected and thus the reluctance of govt. to release particularly in a sensitive time when elections are going to be held. It is understandable. The opposition argument that Modi promised jobs and this data does not reflect that. The same argument can be used against opposition which said Garibi Hatao, but it never happened. Again the opposition is promising a huge payout for farmers not realising that if they do not meet the FRBM of 3-3.5% Moody and other agencies will drop the credit rating for India making it a serious issue for govt or companies to raise funds in future for business.

Now coming to the key question of why unemployment is higher vs higher GDP growth, my take is on the following points:

a) Over the last few years thanks to the IT boom, the number of colleges that have opened has increased tremendously. Though quantity has increased, the quality is bad and people are given degrees at will for the high private tution fees they pay. Many of these have now closed. 80-90% of those getting the degrees are in the field of IT and communication and not in the other standard engineering field of civil, mechanical etc. To focus more most of the people passing out learn a few software languages and pass out. One should understand that the world of IT changes rapidly like Murphy's law. What one learns in 1st year is already redundant by the time they pass out. Eg. learning java, html is now passe as python other app writing software come up. Thus we have a pool of educated engineers who are technically uneducated and thus getting a job in the rapidly changing market is declining. Further, many did their software education in the hope of getting a job in google, MS etc or a posting in US, Europe etc. As the economy in the West weakened, those jobs got removed and thus impacting the so called educated IT software engineers. Govt. cannot be held responsible for the rapidly changing world wide scenario and students like lemmings going to do one specific course. Had many of them diversified into other fields of engineering, the shortfall that is felt in other areas could have been filled.

b) The govt. is moving out of managing business like PSU's to a more hands off and private participants in the economy model. This is a right move as otherwise we will have people working (technically not working) in the govt as can be seen by the bloated staff costs and ineffective Air India and other PSU's. Thus it is less and less with the govt. for job creation and more and more with the private sector. The private sector has not taken off to the desired level is a private sector worry (though some policy decisions do matter) and the world economy slowdown is also not helping despite govt giving mudra loans and incentives for Start up India, Make in India etc.


c) Demonetisation impact on real estate. Everyone knew and knows that the biggest black money is generated in real estate. Be it land deals, flat deals etc one had to pay 60:40 in black (particularly second hand flats) previously. With demonetization, the whole black money hole in real estate was broken and thus you see all the real estate suffering. While it was good to remove the black money, it had an unfortunate fall out. Indian economy is basically 60-70% cash/black economy. Nobody wants to pay tax and that is why the tax filers are just 3-4% and most of it private and govt. job holders. The unfortunate fall out was that without black money the real estate ground to a halt and the large labor forsce that was the hallmark of real estate was left redundant. With more clean money and less black money in real estate we could see a boom in the real estate and thus labor employment.

d) Farm sector. This is where the govt. initiatives on having huge cold and other storage has not kicked off, partly because many critics/supporters of govt.  do not want biggies like amazon, walmart to come in albeit only those companies have capabilities and capacities to invest. The reason many do not want biggies to come in is because the trader and middlemen jobs will go away and making it cheaper for consumer and better pricing for farmers. The trader and middlemen lobby and vote and cash bank is behind the slow progress. This has caused huge production inequalities as farmers do not get input on the demand-supply and produce based on previous years pricing and demand. Thus we have huge potatoes crop growing in west bengal/bihar or huge sugarcane crop just because the price of these were high last year. This has also caused farmer unrest. If middlemen and their cash are eliminated, we could see the farm growth.

e) The GDP ratio is high as many jobs are getting automated and require less people. With online banking, about 10-15% jobs are gone as people transact business online. Restaurant business of the sitting variety is slowly feeling the pinch as people order food through zomato/swiggy. Also, restaurant business used to see a lot of waste, but now people with zomato/swiggy may keep the excess food in the fridge and reheat and eat the next day. Thus while efficiency is improving, the labor requirement is declining. This is one of the primary cause of GDP high and high unemployment rate. This will get aggravated in future as more mechanised farm techniques (requiring less labor), prefab buildings (requiring less labor), Automated transports (requiring less drivers), Artificial Intelligence ( requiring less data operators and dr/cr accountants and admin workers) and so on. Thus this same conundrum will be seen in future too. High GDP with high unemployment. The biggest example can be as touted by NDTV that they use Samsung mobile camera. This essentially eliminates the cameraman, and the reporter can go anywhere without the need to lug in a cameraman and drivers etc. Thus opposition touting unemployment as a failure is not a failure as technology catches many off guard. Everyone has to see how the people can be gainfully employed. This is where the Skill India comes in place.

Demonetisation and unemployment

Two topics of discussion as we run into the heat of politics in the heat of the climate also are the demonetization and unemployment. Nobody talks of corruption like in earlier govt. that linked politicians to middlemen and money trails. Everyone in India knows that Modi does not need money even after retirement given the frugal living. Cannot be said of the opposition politicians like Akhilesh, lallu's children, mayavati etc who live in palatial building and want more. Can they also attempt to live like Modi. The only link they are trying is to bring in Anil Ambani, which has been selected by Dassault and no letter/link is there from govt. to grant it to him so far.

Coming to demonetization, when it happened it sucked out the money from the cash dealings that was the norm. It showed that 80% of our economy was run on cash and implying that 80% of the economy was run on black money. It needed great courage to attack this black money economy even at the cost of creating problems for the lowest of the earners. It is surprising that the poor took the demonetisation very well suffering but giving it a thumbs up. It was only politicians who were against it or those whose basic business was dependent on black money. With the fear of demonetisation many of the people would now think twice about doing business in cash and would prefer to file the income tax. This no doubt has generated more filing and thus bringing the filers of tax from a meagre 2-3% to a higher level. This will go up if the govt. does not change as otherwise it would be back to status quo of people doing business in black money.

The negative effect of demonetisation that caused unemployment was purely because most of our business was in black and it got stopped like the real estate business. Every Indian knows that BLACK MONEY is related to CASH as every illegal transaction takes place not through wire transfer but cash transfers. EG. How many of us would have paid cash as speed money to get things done. Did we pay by credit card or bank transfer? How many of us would have paid 60% in Cash to builders or buying from others (70%) to avoid paying tax and thus generate Black money. Was it paid as cheque/card/transfer - the answer is NO. Thus implying Cash and blackmoney are hand in hand.
I still remember coming to Middle east and wanting to buy a DDA flat in Delhi in the secondary market. I was told i would have to pay 75% in black money. I had to lose the deal as the bank would not lend me money as the deal would be registered on 25% value and payment 25% in cheque and my loan a %age of 25% value. Where would I suddenly get cash?
Today, nearly everyone be it builders, sellers are seeking 100% by draft/check. Thus black money area is reduced to a large extent in the real estate. If a a new govt comes possibly it could reverse to the earlier blackmoney percentage.

Demonetisation has been made to a Demon by politicians and certain section of media. As a principle it is a good move that should be done every 10 years. However we have to take care of the jugaadoo people who used some of the corrupt bankers and some of the CA's to bypass and convert their cash to bank account. But the one advantage is that most of the money is now routed through banks. Data Analytics can do the magic of finding whose account was used to convert blackmoney and then action taken.

Poverty vs Privacy

One of the fundamental requirement of getting benefits to the right person is to identify the right person. All over the world there are different methods of identifying be it social security number in US, civil ID number in the middle east. In many other countries, passport or ration card becomes an identifying document. Aadhar is one of the unique identity with biometrics to ensure that the right person is reached and there is no question of duplication like a passport or a ration card. In fact thanks to the biometrics in passport, many workers in middle east who were chucked out for criminal cases and came back with a fake passport were caught at the airport and deported as their original biometrics was there in the database.

While commenting adversely on SC judgement on Aadhar may cause contempt of court, my belief is that aadhar with biometrics should be a fundamental document of identity which can be accessed anywhere in the country. Thus, unlike ration card which needs to be changed if one goes to a different state, passport cannot be verified if it is a fake or real, the Aadhar and a link to one fundamental bank account for benefits and a link to all other bank acccounts is essential to ensure that the State is not fooled into giving multiple benefits to same people. Some have raised the issue of  Privacy. Question is Privacy is more important or eradication of Poverty. Aadhar with if Universal Basic Income or direct transfer benefit is provided will have a far more impact on the economy and life of people than some people's privacy data being compromised.

In today's world there is nothing called privacy. Everything is known thanks to social media and people accessing everything to social media. Also, if those intellectuals (I call them because poor does not care for privacy, but for food in his plate) who argued for privacy, travel to middle east, USA etc, the biometrics are taken and in no way can they sue those governments if the data is breached there. How many companies have said their data is breached and has anyone brought a case against them. It is only in India that we have people without a broader outlook look at personal benefits/good to stop a universal good.

Aadhar should be linked to all transactions. Those cops or investigative agencies who try to blackmail people for peccadilloes, minor transgressions of laws or use private data without any basis should be severely punished. Else for all other purposes be it tax, criminal, rape etc.  the aadhar linkages and the the necessary internal tracking could be used.

Just as an aside, if all of nirav modi's/chokshi/mallya's bank accounts were linked to aadhar, all banks would have had access to the overall liability he is having and may have restricted the loans given. It is a different matter that loan is still given by the bank, but atleast there will be a question that consolidated aadhar based loan information red flag is available and why it was still given.

Talking of privacy, those visiting China are captured on billions of cameras and it is more live tracking. The same in UK too. Those intellectuals who opposed aadhar when they travel to such places, can they say they will not give biometrics or sue those govt for taking their privacy details.
These people can put a spoke in progress in India only.

Civilisation chaos

The beginning

While we as humans and civilization grow, one tends to think that the maturity and logic would dawn on us and it becomes a key factor in resolving disputes and thus leading to a peaceful coexistence in this world. However, as can be seen throughout the histor, the opposite seems. One can find a period of peace and tranquility, but suddenly someone becomes the bad apple and creates a tension all around the world. Be it the Ottoman empire or the Chengis kan, or Alexander the great, the British, the Japs, the French and quiet recently Hitler, Saddam, and the list goes on and on. Even some current leaders behavior is such that it indicates another world war is imminent.

My theory is that maybe we are participants in a video game for some aliens and they are continuously playing counter strike or such games with us and resets it once a while, which extinguishes whole civilization and restarts the game. Thus huge civilization like mohenjadaro, harappa and many in amazons, China, India are found buried and some of the discoveries in those civilization  even points to  such directions that they seem they were advanced too.

While I want to make this blog light hearted, the above background was required to understand that we live in an uncertain world and the whole purpose of this blog is to bring a smile in this troubled world without any rancor.

Given the buzy schedule and writers block this may not be regular blog, but anyone visiting might be inspired or pick up thoughts for their standup comedy.
Once I retire, I might add some office incidents and other place of work incidents that is to be taken in a lighter mode and again without any malice to anyone.
I am for freedom of speech, unless the message is violence or instigating physical violence  which I am thoroughly opposed. At the same time it should not be just someones interpretation of this item or that item may cause violence as that can be stretched for innocuous things also. Enjoy reading as I enjoy blogging.

The beginning of blog

I always thought i had a passion for standup comedy, but people discourage me by saying my jokes are lame. Anyway, (fashionable, but grammatically wrong to use Anyways) here is my thoughts for jokes as and when they come and being a believer in FREEDOM OF SPEECH (except someone propagating violence/violent generating posts) this is an open one and everything is said in humor and people should not take it as discriminatory or other high fi words the intellectual socials use.

In Today's world it is very difficult to be a standup comedian unlike in the past (before social media) when people used to crack jokes on bengalis, sardars, tamilians, parsis etc. etc and  people used to treat it as a joke and enjoy the moment. Not so any more. Any joke on anyone brings out words out of woodwork like termites - words like racism, likely to cause turbulence, immature, take back the joke, apologize and so on. The list is endless and trolling the biggest of them. If by chance anyone cracks a joke on ethinic or regional one, you will be roasted on the national channel about India wants to know (90% would not be bothered to know as buzy with their own thing) for TRP's. You will be asked by a panel of 10 debaters and anchor occupying most of the time- why you cracked this- is this not racism, apologize. Some other bringing in a political angle of bjp, congress or aap.
My only answer is that the whole intention was to bring a smile on people's face as somehow we seem to have lost them in the quest for TRP's which only wants to raise peoples BP.

Thus the only safe joke now a days is on BIWI, who fortunately is married and would not want to insult the husband or take him to jail.

So, will try my best to be on the neutral ground as trollers could even force my blog to close for innocuous reasons.